Day 2

Didn’t sleep well at all. They also wouldn’t give me my zolpidem, which was frustrating. I even brought mine with me. The doctor said they didn’t have it at the hospital and asked if they could use my personal stash and I said yes. Nurses never got the memo. I kept waking up, had weird dreams and arms kept falling asleep. Worst part was having cottage cheese as a snack puke. So gross. I ate it all though. Pretty sure that was the first time just eating cottage cheese. Good thing I had digestive cookies to chase it. Woke up before my alarm today and good thing. They start coming in the room around 0700. I was already showered by then. First shower here. It’s not too bad. Pressure is hard. Feel like it’s gonna tear my lashes off my face. Also didn’t have a towel for the floor which is annoying. Oh well, it’s a hospital. What can I expect? Speaking of which, I really don’t like the food here. Never thought I’d complain about free food. I will survive. I wish I could go to bed early but snacks at 20:15 plus I don’t get night meds until then. Had my first class today via zoom (people are in covid isolation, someone tested positive) it was nutrition, talked about fats and proteins. Basic stuff. I kept yawning the whole time. I was so tired in the am. I tested negative for Covid and can leave my room but fuck that. Im hiding here. So I had no coffee this am. One of the nurses went out and got me a coffee from Second Cup though. What a friggin peach. I purged today. Supper was too much. Roast beef, gravy, half a plate of mashed potato’s, carrots, milk and grapes. A lot of food. I’m not gonna tell them though because I don’t want to get kicked out/ can’t because I’ll get in shit with work. Met the psychiatrist today. Akward as fuck. Also I had something on my tooth the whole time so I def looked like a crackhead. I brought up my meds . He didn’t seem to like that too much and said that wasn’t the focus and he wanted me stable from the program, which changing meds could make unstable. Which I understand that perspective. So here’s definitely different from the other treatment centres. I’m nervous about my relationship while being here. Since we already broken up once, I’m scared we’re gonna break up again. Plus he’s busy during the day so we don’t talk much. I already feel disconnected. Probably just all in my head though. I miss Edgar a lot.